Are you considering having your very own Friend with Benefits (FWB)? Planning on entering into a ‘no strings casual sex’ type arrangement with the fit PT from your gym?
Before you do, take a minute to consider two things. Firstly, are you the type of person who can successfully navigate this potentially tricky relationship? Secondly, do you know what needs to be done to ensure it goes smoothly, without anyone getting hurt?
As common as it is nowadays, it is also important to realise not everyone is suited for this kind of set up. I personally had a F*ck Buddy (FB) while at university, but it didn’t last very long as I simply couldn’t disassociate the sex and feelings. He was not the type of guy I would have ever dated but after having hooked up for a little while I started to develop an attachment to him that I knew was only going to hurt me in the long run. So I ended it and never tried it with anyone else again.
However, from that experience and through discussions with the countless people I know who have also had similar relationships (some successful and some not so much), I have managed to establish a few Do’s and Don’ts that should help you on the path to a successful ‘strictly-sex’ relationship:
DO be picky about your ‘playmate’
You obviously need to be physically attracted to whoever you are hooking up with, but beyond that, there is no need to have anything else in common with your potential playmate.
In fact, it is preferable to ensure you do this with someone you would not otherwise be interested in having romantic relationships with. If you already have a crush then you are only going to have issues further down the line.
DO set ground rules
Set the ‘boundaries’ and ‘rules’ before you get started. Are you ok to see other people? Is there a limit to how often you will hook up? Are last minute booty calls ok or do you need to pre-arrange?
There are countless parameters to be agreed and it is better to do this before you start than realise what should have been done when you are in too deep.
DON’T get clingy
The key here is to keep the relationship almost solely to the bedroom. You may see or meet up outside but this should only be in groups or as necessary. The second you start to feel entitled to their time outside of the bedroom – you have a problem.
DO be cautious with your feelings
Keep a check on your feelings. The second you start to think about that person romantically outside of the bedroom you need to either stop or talk about it.
As long as you stay aware of yourself you can manage the situation
DO use protection
Use condoms – always. Even if you ‘agreed’ to not sleep with anyone else, there is no way to know for sure. Don’t risk it. Stay safe.
DON’T become ‘unavailable’
Don’t forget to keep your options open. You may be happy to stick to your arrangement for now but don’t shut yourself off from other potential serious partners.
If you think something may be blossoming with someone else, take a break from your FB and give it a chance.
DON’T tell the whole world
Keep it private and don’t introduce them to all you friends. By telling people about it, you give it a status, and you will find that other people will start to heap pressure or expectation on it whether you want them to or not.
Also, some people can be judgmental and not understand your choices. Don’t ever let anyone make you feel bad about yourself.
DO Keep it fun and relaxed
Enjoy it. If you are the type of person that can have this type of relationship go for it. Just keep it fun, as at the end of the day – that is all it is meant to be.
This post was inspired by the WordPress Daily Prompt:Label
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